Once upon a time there was an architect known to his friends as Elmo, who worked for a very large cowardly, cheapskate outsourcer. One of this outsourcer’s clients was an even bigger and meaner bank.
One day the even bigger meaner bank who were in the habit of bullying the very large cowardly, cheapskate outsourcer decided that they needed a disaster recover drill. Actually, being a big mean bank they really couldn’t care less, but the one thing they sought of feared, a slow moving almost toothless regulator on the prowl. And given how banks had recently almost ended the world as most us know it, they were almost sensitive to the idea of what people might think and were afraid that the slow moving almost toothless usually ineffective regulator might actually bite them as they too were being scrutinized because the recent near death experience of the world economy was seen by not a few people as being at least partly their fault. So a scenario of the cheap, mean, cowardly, unwilling and usually ineffectual came to pass. All things being equal there were no great expectations.
Elmo the architect was assigned to certify that this drill was effective. Which all sounds very professional. But is really the big mean bank’s way of mitigating risk, of passing the risk to the people best able to handle it. Which is short hand for any barely credible idiot greedy and dumb enough to take it! After all the one thing the recent near death experience of the world economy had demonstrated was just how good banks were at managing risk and what good fellows they were when it came to accepting responsibility and the tax payer’s money.
Anyway, Elmo’s a pretty good architect, a diligent keeper of notes and he knows a thing or two about this kind of drill. A real contrast to the usual half arsed preparation done by the very large cowardly, cheapskate outsourcer. While this sounds good and I’m sure the large cowardly cheapskate outsourcer exploits Elmo’s diligence for marketing purposes to win business, his rigor really isn’t part of their business plan. The appearance of it is, but not the actual detail, after all who really cares? Well, Elmo cared because Elmo had certain values another area that the recent near death experience of the world economy had exposed as a strength of the banks and the finance industry in general.
So, on the night of the drill, Elmo in attendance observes carefully, taking notes, lots of notes, lots of good notes with time stamps. At the end of the drill the certification decision isn’t difficult, because Elmo had taken notes, lots of notes, good notes with time stamps. “No chance” he says! And referring to his notes, his good notes he reals of f reason after reason way the drill failed to the very large cowardly, cheapskate outsourcer’s account team and goes home to sleep with a clear conscious. He’d done his job and it wasn’t his problem to fix. The account team will have to talk to the big mean bank. It was going to take some money to fix these issues.
The very large, cowardly cheapskate outsourcer’s account team have been bullied so often by the he big mean bank that the mere thought of doing anything other than genuflecting to the bank’s very whim provokes a panic attack! What’s worse they know so little about IT that they can’t actually explain to the always grumpy big mean bank what needs to be done. This made the big mean bank even angrier than usual and the very large cowardly, cheapskate outsourcer’s account team responded by being even more pathetic than usual.
So, filled with fear and unable to explain themselves the very large cowardly, cheapskate outsourcer’s account team resorts to the only behavior it knows works. Why not, it works on them; they start trying to bully Elmo. At first this was a low level cowardly bullying; as you might expect, which Elmo, being an easy going kind of architect just takes as folks under pressure being a little snappy. But, he doesn’t change his position. No certification for all these reasons. Well, the very large, cowardly cheapskate outsourcer’s account team are a gasp a techie talking back to them! Well they weren’t sure if he was or not because he kept using words they don’t understand. But, it can’t be good because he won’t say yes. And this was really bad because it meant that the big mean bank would shout at them again and be very unhappy and they might have to spend some money and bring down the profit on the account which would make the boss of the very large cowardly, cheapskate outsourcer also shout and not give them some money, they might even miss a payment on their Porsches.
There’s nothing for it the problem must be addressed they decided with remarkable determination for a team that generally only genuflects. We’ll take this problem by the horns! The architect must change his assessment. Then the big mean bank will be happy and we we’ll make our Porsche payments and all will be well.
Problem was Elmo had values one of those was professionalism, increasingly rare I know and often a liability, but believe me highly desirable. Well you can imagine the sought of thing that went on as the increasingly hysterical very large cowardly, cheapskate outsourcer’s account team tried the “truth as a social construct” approach on the positivist objectivist trained architect. True to his word Elmo could not be convinced, after all he had the notes, lots of notes, really good notes with time stamps.
So, very large cowardly, cheapskate outsourcer’s account team waited until Elmo went on leave and convinced some other architect; who hadn’t been present at the drill and had no notes, of the utility of socially constructed alternative realities and all was well. The big mean bank stopped shouting and they could make their Porsche payments.
And they all would have all lived happily ever after if it were not for the slow moving almost toothless usually ineffective regulator actually catching up with the game! See how it doesn’t happen until the last chapter. Now they also kept notes, really good notes with date stamps. And one of these notes said that last time this drill was done it wasn’t that flash and what’s more you the big mean bank better make sure that the very large cowardly, cheapskate outsourcer tests this stuff more thoroughly next time to prove you are taking us seriously or else we’ll bite you!
Well, the big mean bank is insisting that the very large cowardly, cheapskate outsourcer should take the slow moving almost toothless usually ineffective regulator’s bite on its behalf as they certified the drill! Meanwhile the very large cowardly, cheapskate outsourcer’s account team are all polishing their Porches and looking the other way while the certifying architect is polishing his CV. The slow moving almost toothless usually ineffective regulator is impatiently tapping its feet and polishing its teeth. The only one who sleeps soundly is Elmo.
Moral of the story, keep notes, lots of notes with timestamps and don’t let people transfer their responsibilities to you even if they do wear expensive suits.
